


Bind Your Secrets Up Inside

by thereforebucket



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Gen, NB!Eli, fluffier than the summary suggests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 20:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4849634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereforebucket/pseuds/thereforebucket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Alright! Alright!” Eli says. “Geez.” She walks quickly out of the room to the bathroom and slams the door shut. She feels like crying. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to tell Nozomi herself and Nozomi was supposed to understand. Eli rips off her shirt and begins to unwind the bandages quickly, turning pointedly away from the mirror. She yanks her shirt back on the moment it’s done and marches back into her room, tossing the bandages at Nozomi’s feet as she rushes over to put on her sweatshirt. She folds her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts down as much as she can. “There, happy?” she asks. She glares at her best friend, who looks sad, almost heartbroken, like she knows that she probably handled this the wrong way.<br/>-----<br/>Eli's nonbinary, but has yet to tell Nozomi. Nozomi figures at least part of it out, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bind Your Secrets Up Inside

**Author's Note:**

> So, skiretehfox mentioned NB!Eli one day and I was blown away it was everything I had every wanted but never knew I wanted. So here you have it! I hope you like it! :D
> 
> Also, I just want to say that I use she/her/hers pronouns for Eli because in this au she really hasn’t done much research. Like at all. Basically, Eli has just experienced dysphoria and hasn’t looked much of anything up, so she’s just going off like different movies where the protag binds up with bandages. Eli hasn’t looked at pronouns yet. If this continues, then the moment Eli decides on a set is the moment I start using them.

Eli hopes,  _prays_ , as in, on her knees on the kneelers at her grandmother’s church prays, that Nozomi won’t notice.

So, of course, Nozomi notices. Not right away, though. Eli opens the door with what she would like to think is a normal smile and greets her friend with a wave. Nozomi smiles back, walking into the house and looping her arm through Eli’s for good measure.

Which, of course, makes Eli jump out of her skin, because even though she’s wearing a bulky sweatshirt, if Nozomi’s pressed up against her side, she’s going to notice.

Nozomi frowns and looks a little hurt. “Did I do something wrong?” she asks, and Eli feels a wave of shame come over her.

“No! I, uh, just overstrained this arm in practice yesterday,” she covers lamely.

Nozomi’s expression turns confused. “You weren’t acting hurt yesterday,” she says and Eli fights to control her blush. She hates lying.

“Yeah, it just started hurting when I got home,” she says and feels a pang of guilt when Nozomi nods but still looks at her with suspicion. Eli makes a show of rubbing her arm and Nozomi lets it go. 

Eli clears her throat. “So,” she says, “upstairs?”

Nozomi leads the way and tells Eli about how a little girl came up to her at the shrine asking her for her autograph, only she mistook her for Umi. Eli laughs along with her and they leave the issue of Eli being fake as hell to lie for a bit.

They reach Eli’s bedroom and curl up on her bed to watch videos. They watch music videos of other idols, Eli for the choreography, Nozomi for the music (though she has a cryptic, catlike smile on her face and at this point, Eli’s just decided not to ask anymore), until they get bored. Then Nozomi takes the wheel and they start watching funny videos. They’re close, their arms are touching, and Nozomi’s laugh, right next to her ear, is more entertaining than the videos are. She looks down and sees how close their hands are, how easy it would be to reach out and tangle their fingers together. She swallows.

“Elicchi is missing the video,” Nozomi says, a grin in her voice.

Eli blushes. “S-sorry,” she stammers, “just got lost in thought.”

Nozomi chuckles and repositions herself to watch the computer screen. She’s closer this time and lays her head on Eli’s shoulder. There’s both a thrill and settling of nerves in the pit of Eli’s stomach, because it’s exciting, but it also feels so  _right._

Eventually, though, they grow hungry. Eli doesn’t want to move, but her stomach gives her away and Nozomi pauses the video with a “Let’s go get some snacks.” She lifts her head off Eli’s shoulder and Eli tries not to seem too disappointed about that. But of course, she hates lying, and if Nozomi’s grin is anything to go by at least some of her emotions made it onto her face. But when the grin fades there’s this look on her face, like she knows Eli is hiding something that she can’t quite figure out. Eli swallows and pushes her laptop off her legs, doing her best not to scramble off the bed.

“Come on, Nozomi,” she says, not quite looking at her.

They make their way downstairs to the kitchen. “What would you like to eat?” Eli asks.

“Just whatever Elicchi is going to have,” Nozomi replies easily.

Eli smirks. “I’ll just bring the bag of caramels upstairs then.”

Nozomi gives her a look. “On second thought, I’ll have some crackers,” she says.

Eli giggles and reaches for the high cabinet where they keep the crackers. “I think I’ll have crackers too. Caramels aren’t a very filling snack.” She pulls the box down and closes the cabinet, turning around. “Do you want anything to—” She stops. Nozomi is giving her a strange look, like she’s just figured something out and is not happy about at all. “Nozomi?” she asks, warily. Unconsciously, she brings the box of crackers up in front of her chest, toying with the cardboard nervously.

“Elicchi,” Nozomi begins slowly, staring at the cracker box, but just then, Alisa walks in.

“Hi, Nozomi! Hi Onee-chan!” she says cheerfully. She stops short when she sees the tension in the room, Nozomi looking increasingly, incredulously, angry, and Eli standing there apprehensively with a box of crackers. “Is everything ok?”

Nozomi pulls the fastest 180 that Eli’s ever seen and gives Alisa a sweet, genuine smile. “Of course. Eli and I were just getting a snack. We’re heading back upstairs now, though.” She reaches forward and tugs Eli’s sleeve, pulling her out of the room.

“O-okay! Have fun!” Alisa calls after them, a little uncertainly.

Eli’s glad Nozomi took charge of the situation, but she’s still unsure as to why it happened in the first place. Or why the moment they left the kitchen the hard look slid right back onto her face. Or why the fingers pincing her sleeve have a grip like iron. She stays quiet until they get back to her room, when Nozomi lets go of her and closes the door. Eli sets down the box of crackers warily on her desk. “Nozomi, what’s—”

Nozomi whirls to face her, her expression unreadable. “Elicchi, take off your sweatshirt.”

What. Eli rears back a little. “What? Nozomi—”

“Elicchi, I’m not playing around, take off your sweatshirt.”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Shit. “What? Why? I like my sweatshirt.”

“I swear to god Eli if you don’t take off your sweatshirt I will do it for you.” There’s this look in her eye that makes Eli believe her, so she does, slowly at first, then quickly, getting it over with and crossing her arms over her chest. She blushes. Nozomi can see everything now. She  _noticed_. Which, of course she noticed, she’s Nozomi, but she still  _noticed_.

Nozomi mutters something that sounds like “I knew it,” and Eli flushes.

“Th-There, are you happy now?” she asks, not looking at her.

“No. Eli, what are you binding with?” It’s a question, but it’s phrased like a statement, like she knows the answer.

“Wh-what?” she splutters, trying to cover her ass. “I-I’m not binding anyth—”

“Elicchi, please, the only one in μ’s with bigger boobs than you is me. What are you binding your chest with?” She looks  _angry,_  almost, but moreover she looks worried and almost disappointed. Eli swallows, but lifts her head and looks up at the ceiling defiantly.

“ACE bandages,” she says, and Nozomi brings her hands to her face and groans.

“Elicchiiiiiii,” she moans.

“What?” she asks. She’s getting angry too now. How dare Nozomi get mad at her for this? It’s her body, and if she feels like binding then she’s going to bind!

“I’m not talking to you until you take off those bandages,” Nozomi says into her hands, but Eli stands firm.

“Listen, Nozomi, I’m not taking them off. They make me feel more like me, and my breasts…” She trails off. If Nozomi has a problem with it, well then that’s on her, isn’t it.

“Don’t you know how dangerous it is to bind with bandages?” Nozomi asks, her voice still muffled.

She’s also being really loud. “Shhhh!” Eli shushes her. And then “What? It’s not dangerous.”

Nozomi looks up and glares at her. “Yes, it is. The bandages constrict your chest and can warp your ribs!”

Well. That’s news to Eli. But it’s not like she has any other methods at her disposal. “Oh,” she says. Then, defiantly, “Well, what do you suppose I do?”

“Take them off.”

“Besides that!”

“Elicchi, I can show you some better,  _safer_ ,” she emphasizes this word, “methods of binding your chest, but I’m not showing you anything until you take those bandages off.”

Eli hesitates. “Elicchi, I swear to god I will get scissors and cut them off of you—”

“Alright! Alright!” Eli says. “Geez.” She walks quickly out of the room to the bathroom and slams the door shut. She feels like crying. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to tell Nozomi herself and Nozomi was supposed to understand. Eli rips off her shirt and begins to unwind the bandages quickly, turning pointedly away from the mirror. She yanks her shirt back on the moment it’s done and marches back into her room, tossing the bandages at Nozomi’s feet as she rushes over to put on her sweatshirt. She folds her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts down as much as she can. “There, happy?” she asks. She glares at her best friend, who looks sad, almost heartbroken, like she knows that she probably handled this the wrong way.

“Elicchi,” she starts, but Eli cuts her off.

“No, it wasn’t supposed to go this way. I was supposed to tell you myself and you were supposed to be happy for me,” something changes in Nozomi’s expression, but Eli doesn’t stop to analyze it, “but no, instead you come in here and tell me to take off something that’s actually making me feel like  _me_. I thought you would understand that!” There are tears in her eyes and Eli tries hurriedly to wipe them away but she’s too angry, too jittery, and she just ends up smearing them all over her face instead.

Nozomi starts to step forward, raise her arms, but pauses. “Elicchi, of course I’m happy for you,” she says softly. Eli pauses. “I’m so happy you’re finding a new part of yourself. I just don’t want to see you get hurt because of it!” She steps forward and Eli lets her. In another few steps she’s encircled by two strong arms and lets herself be folded into them.

They stay like that for a while, Eli no longer bothering to hold back the tears and Nozomi just hugging her close and stroking her hair.

“You know,” Nozomi says after a long time, “you don’t have to talk to me about it today if you don’t want to. I can just show you what I’ve learned and we can leave it at that for now.”

Eli thinks about this, then nods. “I think I’d like that,” she says. She lifts her face from Nozomi’s shoulder and pulls back a bit. She looks down. She looks back up at Nozomi. “Um, you said that you knew better ways to, um, bind?” she squeaks out.

Nozomi nods, reaching out to wipe Eli’s face with her shirt sleeve.

Eli blushes. “You don’t have to—”

“I know,” Nozomi interrupts her patiently, “but Elicchi has been through a lot and I’m going to do what I can to help.” Eli nods, she’d do the same thing, and lets Nozomi wipe the tears away. She steps back, considering. “Two sports bras would work,” she says, looking up, “and we can order you a binder too.”

“A what?” asks Eli, and Nozomi turns to the laptop on the bed, wakes it up, and starts typing in the search engine.

“A binder,” Nozomi says, showing her the picture on the screen. “It compresses your chest  _safely_. A lot of people wear them.” Eli’s lips quirk up. The binders all look just like tank tops, not weird at all. Nozomi turns back to her. “But first, let’s get you two sports bras.” She gets up and crosses over to Eli’s chest of drawers, opening the top one and pulling out two sports bras. “Go to the bathroom and put these on. We can look up more binding things after that.”

Eli takes them with only a little hesitation. She pauses at the door and turns back. “Thank you, Nozomi.”

Nozomi smiles. There’s a moment between them where the air feels soft and warm. “Of course,” she says. Eli opens the door and walks down to the bathroom.

She pulls off the sweatshirt and shirt and puts the sports bras on. It’s not perfect, but it’s better, and once again Eli is glad Nozomi is such a good friend. She redresses herself and walks back to her room. She closes the door and turns around to find Nozomi on her bed with her laptop. She looks over at Eli and smiles. “Better?” she asks. Eli nods. Nozomi pats the bed next to her and Eli crosses the room and sits down. After a second’s hesitation, she loops her arm around Nozomi’s and pulls herself closer.

“I—” Nozomi’s voice is thick and she clears her throat. Eli looks up to see a light blush on her face. “I found some information for you while you were in the bathroom,” she says, and points to the computer screen where there are about five tabs open.

“Thank you,” Eli says. “You’ve been really good about all of this, thank you.”

“Of course, Elicchi,” Nozomi says. Eli rests her head on her shoulder. Nozomi rests her head on top of Eli’s and starts to take her through and explain her research. At one point, they even order her a binder. Eli’s a little worried because she hasn’t said anything to her family yet, but the shipping page says that the binder will ship in a blank envelope. “And you can always tell your family it’s part of a costume,” Nozomi says.

Later, they put on a movie. They’ve seen it before, it’s nothing new, and they don’t really pay attention to it either. They eat the crackers they brought up earlier and snuggle a little closer, just because. Eli sneaks glances at Nozomi and, she can’t be sure, but she thinks Nozomi sneaks glances at her too.

They fall asleep about an hour into the movie, and when Alisa comes in to ask Eli a question, she just smiles and goes to tell her mother than Nozomi’s sleeping over tonight.

Later that night, Nozomi wakes up shivering. Carefully, she extracts herself from Eli and closes the laptop, setting it on the floor. The movie is long over.

“Nozomi?” Eli cracks an eye open and lifts her head up.

“Yes?” Eli motions back to where Nozomi was just lying, sleepily. Nozomi smiles and starts to grab the blanket folded up at the end of the bed, but pauses. “Elicchi,” she says softly. Eli opens her eyes again blearily.

“Hmm?”

“You have to take the sports bras off.” Eli groans. “Eight to twelve hours, Elicchi,” Nozomi tells her, “and you’re not supposed to sleep in them.” She rolls over and groans again. Nozomi smirks. “Fine, I’ll have no choice but to tickle Elicchi until she complies.” Eli cracks an eye open and shoots her a glare.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me,” she says, bringing her hands up and grinning. Eli glares at her a second longer before rolling off the bed with a huff. She walks over to her drawer and pulls out some pajamas. “Do you want some too?” she asks.

“Sure,” Nozomi says and Eli hands her a pair. They take turns in the bathroom and when Nozomi gets back Eli asks her if she wants her to set up a mat with a sleeping bag. Nozomi looks at her for a minute. Then, she makes a big show of yawning and tells Eli it’s too late for that. Eli agrees, smiling. They pull back the covers and climb into Eli’s bed, still warm from where they had been laying earlier. There’s only one pillow, but they snuggle up to each other, Eli’s head resting by Nozomi’s heart, so they don’t really need more than one.

“‘Night, Nozomi,” Eli mumbles.

“Goodnight, Elicchi,” Nozomi says. She presses a soft kiss into Eli’s hair, so light she’s not even sure Eli felt it, and the two of them drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If I have screwed up anything or if anything is offensive to anyone, please don't hesitate to tell me, I want to get this right as much as you want to read accurate NB!AUs.


End file.
